“All exploitive art should look like it’s been knocked up at 5am by some wasted bum who once had talent but is now seriously on the slide.”

Van Helsing Vampires

£30.00

Yep, it’s those Van Helsing vampire chicks Marishka, Verona and Aleera; the sole saving grace in a goddawful CGI ridden bloated blockbuster where hardly anything looked real. Of course, I’m so anti CGI that I ripped The Woman In Black out of my player and binned it just because some digital mist rolled in!