“All exploitive art should look like it’s been knocked up at 5am by some wasted bum who once had talent but is now seriously on the slide.”

The Captains Wife


‘ Trawler-man Bob was having a really rotten day. The Captain had thrown a sh*t-fit after Bob forgot to batten down the hatch on the fish well, leaving the whole boat smelling like a blown cod sandwich, his girlfriend had rung to say she was dumping him for tedious Gardner’s World presenter, Alan Tichmarsh, because Al was less boring, and he’d just found out Fangoria magazine had gone bust one week after he sent them 400 quid for a lifetime subscription.
Then Bob decided to take a walk out on deck and suddenly his day started to look a whole lot brighter. . . . ‘