“All exploitive art should look like it’s been knocked up at 5am by some wasted bum who once had talent but is now seriously on the slide.”

Suzi Goes To The Arctic

£30.00

Suzi meeting the Nazi zombie commander from Dead Snow has been done at the suggestion of Jim Aspinall and his girlfriend Melanie. Jim and Melanie recently bought a house just up the street from myself and Sally which miffs us no end because we’ve always prided ourselves on being the trashiest couple in the neighbourhood.
Still, Jim’s quite an industrious and successful pervert having made a tidy living by pimping Melanie out to all and sundry. Not content with that though, Jim has caught wind of the fact that Suzi’s current employers, Fuzz Bucket Pictures, are embarking on a pornographic remake of the Doris Day musical classic ‘Calamity Jane’. Fuzz Bucket’s version, entitled Clam n’ Titty Jane revolves around a young lady having to fight her way through the Land Of A Thousand Pricks (referred to by us local folks as ‘Irchester’) and naturally Jim has put Melanie’s name forward for the part.
Obviously Jim is the scum of the earth but if Melanie taking on a thousand pricks brings in enough dosh to slap a big fat bid on this painting then more power to him!