“All exploitive art should look like it’s been knocked up at 5am by some wasted bum who once had talent but is now seriously on the slide.”

Milla Jovovich


When I was a kid growing up in the States back in the 60’s I was told that all Russian men were evil and that all their women looked like Susan Boyle. Not that Susan Boyle was about then but you get my gist. Well, when that Iron Curtain came down we soon found out what a load of tosh that was. I don’t know what it’s like for you guys in America now, but over here in England we’ve got stunning Soviet tottie going through clueless Limey nerds like a grain reaper. One of my best mates (let’s call him Bob) married one and now he’s alone and living outside Pizza Hut in a cardboard box! Funnily enough, his first wife really DID look like Susan Boyle; I bet she’s looking a whole lot better to Bob now!