“All exploitive art should look like it’s been knocked up at 5am by some wasted bum who once had talent but is now seriously on the slide.”

Martine Beswick


“Martine Beswick is just about the sexiest woman on the planet.  She’s the sort of woman you’d be happy for your Dad to kick your Mother out of  the house for; the sort of woman who could send you off to school with a soaking wet tuna fish sandwich slopped up straight from the tin and you’d love it. You would just want to open up your Monkees lunch box and slam your face straight in there, straight into that  soggy, evil, step mommy sandwich and imagine it’s her…..”

So wrote some dysfunctional pervert for The Dark Side six years ago and my twisted lust for Miss Beswick hasn’t abated one iota since!