“All exploitive art should look like it’s been knocked up at 5am by some wasted bum who once had talent but is now seriously on the slide.”

Kim Newman

£30.00

This stupendous oil has been created to illustrate Kim Newman’s new column in The Dark Side magazine. Kim is possibly Britain’s best known film critic and has won too many awards to mention for his brilliant articles, novels and short stories. His Blu Ray commentary tracks blow aficionados away and he’s considered a legend of the horror genre.
Therefore it must have come as a bit of a shock at last years Dark Fest when someone he’d never met before suddenly shouted out “Hey Kim! How are you doing you old bastard!”
Obviously I’m not half as famous as I think I am because he just looked at me like I was a total idiot but I don’t hold that against him because everyone else in the room did too.
I must admit I felt a bit deflated, but fortunately ex porn star Linzi Drew was looking through my prints so at least I looked like a cool idiot. As she came across a cover I’d painted for one of her films I beamed with pride. “Would you like it?” I gushed.
“Not really” she politely replied “you’ve painted my tits wrong.”

Oh well, there’s always next year.