“All exploitive art should look like it’s been knocked up at 5am by some wasted bum who once had talent but is now seriously on the slide.”

Creature From The Lagoon

£30.00

If there’s two things I wish I could have changed about myself it would have been my desire to date Italian women and paint the Creature From The Black Lagoon. True, both species possess a certain allure (plus they’re both capable of breaking alligators in half) but the experience always ended in tears, and always mine!

Fortunately I’m too old and too married to chase Italian women anymore but sadly I’m not smart enough to stop painting the Gill Man. Seriously, this is one laborious sucker to sit down and render. All paintings go through an ugly stage at the beginning but the ugly stage on this one lasted five frikking days! I could have painted TWO Kylie Minogue’s in that time!

Oh well, here it is, finished at last. This will definitely be the last time I take a crack at this critter though, because I’ve just been fitted with a device that’ll blow my wrist off if I even DREAM about painting another one!